My friend Hilary encouraged me to share this story with you. Whilst part of this story is about how I found myself taking part in a topless - just my undies - photo shoot in Wales… it’s really about the way our perspective of past experiences can shift once we divest from diet culture and start to heal our body image.
This retreat happened in 2021, about five months before I had a defining anti diet moment and decided I wanted to heal instead of fix (I guess that’s a story for another week!).
After recording, I remembered that I’d actually made an episode about this retreat on my previous podcast Entrepreneurial Outlaws. In that episode I talked about the mindset work we did, and how powerful it had been. I guess at the time, that’s what I needed, because what I also remember is feeling incredibly emotional when I returned home.
I’d felt this unexpected connection to the Welsh countryside — my parents actually moved us to Wales for a short time when I was very young, I barely remember it but there was something so familiar. Coupled with the entire retreat being about vulnerability, self connection and I was an emotional wreck. It was also my first time away for almost two years and the sense of relief I felt to be home was unusual.
Back then, I didn’t have the same tools and resources I have now, hell, as you hear me say in this episode, I wouldn’t even consider going to something like this now because of how inaccessible it was, and how excluded I felt.
I didn’t think to ask or advocate for myself.
I didn’t even know that I would need more time.
I didn’t have the compassion, kindness and respect for my body that I do now.
They say, you only know what you know, and that couldn’t be more true when it comes to the power that diet culture has over our relationships with ourselves. The way in which I shouldered ALL of the responsibility throughout this experience, and even returned home believing, on some level, that I needed to change myself so I could fit in.
It’s a powerful thing to realise that in order to be who you are, means you can no longer fit in. Instead, you find people are open, welcoming and don’t expect you to fit, they encourage you to be yourself.
I hope you enjoy this first instalment of ‘Confessions…’ and if you have any questions, comments or feedback let me know. 🥰 Oh, and here’s the photo of my in my skivvies… obviously I’ve cut everyone else out of the image.
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